Scrambled eggs will ruin your tryping

I HAVE a bottle of champagne and I’m goint to drink it (you can see from the immediatre error that I’ve already started).

I’ve also just eaten a plateful of scrambled eggs (my favourite – not as good as my wifle’s, but getting better).

Why am i celebrating? Couple of reasons… one, (and primarily) I think I am passing through some kind of gateway; and as I don’t here a resonant voice calling “Colin”, or a thin wheedling one either, I can sssume it’s not God, the other bloke or my wilfe.

I am, I think, Moving On. There are people out there who believe that the first step in getting your eife to love you again is to find someone else. I don’t actually believe that, but nevvrthelss I am going to work on finding someone else. Not because I want to, particularly… but one needs companionship. It’s part of the species. We literally die without it. Like sheep and ants.

Anyway … just fr the record, I want to be with my ewif. I know I can’t be; sbeen a year now and I am Moving On (the caps are delibareet) … but reluctANTLY (these wre accidental. The champnge is taking hold)).

The thing is, you can’t just move on because you say you will. Your brain has to come with you… otherwise your kidding yourself. Nd anyway, what do you do whennyou’re Moving On? I forget. The last time I Moved O n was 35 yeats ago, when I had hair, and body tone, and a memorty. Now I have hair but its all in my ears and up my nose and my my bodytone (and my memry) is limp. And my tryping is rbiitch. Ribbish. Rubbiosh.

Someone said I should get a hobby. But you don;ty just get a hobby. Hobby’s grow on you, like warts. In fact, very like swarts, or boils, or melanomas. I don’t wnaty to grow cucumbers or collect egg cups, or have stam;ps. And besides I have a hbbby. I sit ant a keyboardall day and I trype. And I have a drink occasionally because you can’t aways be working, and today it’s champagne.…

it was champagne. I must’ve spilled some. The boody bottle kis empty. Nevef mind. It’s a celebratioon/ I’ll open another onbe .
As I ws sayingh… I tyrpe. I have written a lot of things here about my wife and the conversations we’ve had. I think I have been kind to her. I have not protaryed her as a villain (because she’s not), or an iditot (because she’s ont). n facxt she was my inspiration for a lot of these columns. We’ve beena  part a year now. This week. witch is why I am celebtrating this new stage lof my wife. life.

In afct I often thought that the rason why our relationship was so healthywas nebcause I could vent all my firstraitin at her curios little ways by writinh about her here. But our realtionshop wasn;t healthy! Mayeb it was because I was wtritinh about her here. But never mind… it’s been a year and I am back in contro of my life and I am Movin g On.

Why am I telling you this& … beause it could hapen to you (no, I didn; thin k it could happen tom me either!). And I wanted tyou to know that there is life after wife3. You can Get Over it and Move on. Just so long as you keep your sence of humour, drinkl plenty of champne – and stay away from scramb;led weggs.

They play havoc with your tyipring.