When the hair comes off they look like thugs

LOOK, I am not getting my head shaved.

I know it’s a good cause and I am prepared to give money to the Leukaemia Foundation, but I am not becoming a skinhead for anyone.

I know about skinheads. They wear T-shirts with swastikas and Doc Marten boots and they stamp on people’s heads.

And from today there’s going to be a lot of them abourt. This Shave for a Cure thing seems to have swept the civilised world. Flinders Mall market tomorrow is going to look like a boiled egg convention.

I will be conspicuous for my thinning grey hair and I’m very happy about it. I know people in their 50s who are losing their hair (and I suspect their minds) for the leukaemia cause. And good on ’em. I’m happy I’m just losing my money.

Skinheads are frightening. It’s a well-known fact.

I remember when they started and people would cross the road to avoid them. And the strange thing was – it didn’t matter who they were!

They could be avuncular and twinkly-eyed, like Santa Claus, or unctuous as priests – when the hair came off they were thugs.

What’s it going to be like after today, when the whole world is bald? Will I look at my friends and wish I’d gone to a different pub?

Maybe I’ll get used to it, but I doubt it. I can think of no advantages (except raising money to combat leukaemia). It lets the body heat escape, goes red in the sun, slowly grows out so people think you have alopecia, and makes you look like a Nazi.

Of course, if everybody did it, perhaps I’d grow more selective. Maybe I’d learn to separate the shaved heads from the personalities.

Instead of condemning the Bulletin editor for the shininess of his pate (overlooking for a moment the fact that it’s been that way quite naturally for the past 20 years) I’d look for other signs, like ‘Love’ and ‘Hate’ tattooed across his knuckles.

Some people, of course, had dodgy personalities before the Leukaemia Foundation turned up, and having their heads shaved will only make it more obvious.

All this does, of course, is confirm that you can’t judge people by appearances. I mean, politicians have never had shaved heads (bald heads, frequently, but not shaved) and I wouldn’t want to meet them down a dark alley, either.

And my wife can terrify anyone — even skinheads — perfectly well with a full head of hair and nothing on her knuckles but a wedding ring.

There is one thing, however, you can tell after today about people who have their heads shaved… they care about the 30,000 people who are going to suffer leukaemia or one of its nasty mutations during the coming 12 months.

They care enough not to care whether their appearance gives them a bad reputation in the neighbourhood.

And let’s be honest… when someone with a shaved head confronts you to demand a donation, who’s going to say no, and risk being stamped on!