Naming streets after rotten lovers

LOOK, I know the world population is growing like fungi on fridge leftovers, and I know houses are popping up all over the developed world like mushrooms in a pile of horse poo, and I know that means we need more streets.

But do we have to name them all after people?

I mean, there has to be a limit. We have to put up with Victoria streets all over the country. I can even handle Queen Victoria Street, even though I’m not a royalist.

Townsville also has Flinders, Palmer and Walker streets. Not exactly royalty, but named for people who played a part in history.

But J. Bledsopp Boulevard?

Who the hell is J. Bledsopp anyway? Probably a nice chap; probably good to his mum; kind to old people and dogs. They can write it on his gravestone. I do not want it on my street name.

All right, I’m exaggerating. There is no J. Bledsopp Boulevard in Townsville (if there were I’d move to Cairns), but good manners prevent me from pillorying any other individual who has been cruel enough to inflict his/her quite mediocre, nondescript name on a street people have to live in. I could handle a J. Bledsopp Boulevard if it led to a sewage station or ran through an industrial estate, but otherwise I’d like something a little more colourful.

I once lived in a Windabout Lane. it said something relevant about the place. One day they might straighten it out, but its name will always be a gateway to its history.

I have a friend who lives in Hellfire Pass, which would be exciting, even if it were a shopping mall.

But J. Bledsopp Boulevard?

All that tells me is that we’ve named yet another street after someone who makes love with his socks on, goes to bed with a cup of Milo with four sugars in it, and enjoys line dancing.

There ought to be a law against it. Not people doing these things – just naming streets after them.

I blame the council. Don’t they understand that other people will have to live with and in these atrocities for hundreds of years?

Why do they need to include the initials! If they keep this up it won’t be long before they give us J. Bledsopp (Snr) Boulevard.

Surely if they applied themselves a little they could come up with something as teensy bit more creative.

Maybe they should set some rules. Something like: no one shall have a street named after them unless they have risen to the rank of at least state premier and they’re dead.

Exceptions could be made for sports heroes, who could be living, and for anyone who ever played for the Crocodiles.

And if any of them is named J. Bledsopp, I propose we rename the entire city J. Bledsoppville and be done with it.